This is a riot.
So back in New York, we used to have those black lever things that you flipped down. When you were done, you pulled this arm with a bright red handle to the left to record your vote. (One year I objected to having to pull it to the left and not to the right, and demanded to speak with someone in charge. I was physically removed from the high school, an experience I was already familiar with from my younger days.)
Then, in 2010, during the race for governor, when I cast my last vote as a New Yorker (for Jimmy McMillan, erstwhile leader of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party), they changed machines. You had to poke or rub or tweak or puncture something. There was definitely violence involved. I kept asking for a “do-over” until I was physically removed from the American Legion hall. That, admittedly, was a first.
Now in Delaware, they have another kind of machine, one I couldn’t make heads or tails of. First, I was greeted by “Earl,” who kept insisting that Election Day was yesterday and that the president had been re-elected “as had been foretold.” When I asked why all the machines if the election was over, he insisted the gymnasium had been preserved as a museum of the “olden days when people couldn’t make up their damn minds the right way.”
I kept pressing him on this, and he finally sighed heavily, rolled his eyes, and had me climb into this pod, which enveloped me completely and was slowly lowered into the earth. So I’m lying in total darkness about six feet below ground level when suddenly I’m staring into a series of concentric circles, which grew larger and then smaller and then larger, and changed color. I then had to count backward from 100 as a voice echoed in my head, saying something like “I am the Paraclete of Caborca. Trust me.” I threw up a little and started to scratch and claw at the interior of the pod. A hissing sound ensued.
Next thing I knew I was in my car, engine running, heat on. A flyer was taped to my steering wheel: “You’ve been warned. Have a nice day.”
Now Delaware is a Blue State and Biden country. It is also corrupt, violent, and wracked with cronyism. So I’m concerned.
I should have known something was up when I received an e-mail last night with this video embedded. The e-mail was signed “A Friend”:
The catch is, you must be a Swede who is unemployed and living in the town of Soderhamn. Which definitely shrinks the pool of potential applicants.
Under a scheme organised by the local authorities in the town of Soderhamn and by Sweden’s national employment office, anyone aged between 18 and 28 can volunteer to take a “Job Journey” to Oslo and attempt track down gainful employment.
Those who sign up get a ticket to the Norwegian capital and are put up in an Oslo youth hostel for a month, with Soderhamn council picking up the £20 a night bill. The package also includes on-the-spot guidance on how to get a job in Sweden’s northern neighbour.
“We had an unemployment rate of over 25 per cent, so we had to find solutions,” Magus Nilsen, the man in charge of the project at Soderhamn council, told the Daily Telegraph. “Going to Norway to find work has always been quite popular with young people, but sometimes they want to go but don’t know how to find a job or accommodation so we thought we’d give them a bit of help with both.”
So far around 100 people have decided to leave Soderhamn. . . .
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Who needs you? Go live your fancy new life in Norway, gateway to the very top of Finland!
Has anyone asked Norway what it thinks of this scheme? And why don’t we pay people to move to Norway? Or better yet, why don’t we trade unemployable Americans for employable Norwegians? With a population smaller than New York City, Norway would fit nicely in the Midwest somewhere, while we could empty our prisons, exiling our most violent and disgusting to Oslo. The Norwegians would all be here, and so wouldn’t notice, and the American felons would be free to enjoy the benefits of a northern European nation known for its relatively low crime rate and relatively high rate of private gun ownership!
Via Reason‘s 24/7 Newsfeed
UPDATE: So Sweden is the nation that keeps on giving. It turns out that even as it exports workers to Norway, it imports Norwegian garbage — because it cannot produce enough of its own to heat the damn country.
Norway pays Sweden to take its trash, and Sweden gets heat and electricity and then exports the burned debris back to Norway.
“So that’s why we have the world’s best incineration plants concerning energy efficiency,” Senior Advisor for the Swedish Environmental Protection Agency Catarina Ostlund told PRI.
“But I would say maybe in the future, this waste will be valued even more, so maybe you could sell your waste because there will be a shortage of resources within the world,” Ostlund said.
Thinking about the future, Ostlund said she would like to see Sweden import trash from countries outside Scandinavia.
Is the next president of the United States reading this? We can export our garbage to Sweden! This has so many possible social applications, the mind boggles!
And by the way: is this really a case of Swedish efficiency, or is it a matter of another Socialist economy being so feckless that it can’t even make garbage properly?
1. What did five say to six? (Assumes familiarity with numbers in sequence.)
2. If you could be anything other than a really bad president, what would you suck at?
3. Why is the Near East closer to the Far East than the Middle East is, which should be in the middle?
4. If you were a Muslim, how many wives would you embarrass?
5. What is the optimal number of dead Americans?
6. If you apologized for repeatedly apologizing, would that make you really sorry?
7. Who can bench press more, Paul Ryan or Vice President Biden’s ego?
1. If you spin around real fast, how many positions can you hold simultaneously?
2. Would you abort Obamacare or put portions up for adoption?
3. How many women does a binder hold? And are your binders made in China? Will your Cabinet consist of formerly bound women?
4. If you were a Mormon, how many wives would you embarrass?
5. If elected, do you promise to eventually think up a budget plan?
6. If you lose the popular vote but win the electoral, will you reconsider your college-loan stance? Assuming you have one?
7. As governor of Massachusetts, you stated flatly that you would close plants that did not meet environmental standards, even if it meant losing jobs, and that taxes should be used to promote energy conservation. If you could go back in time and had only one bullet, who would you shoot: Hitler or your former self?
Lauren Davis over @ io9 has an eye-opening piece that lays out “9 Reasons to Elect a Supervillain President.”
What’s frightening is that they all make eminent sense.
1. They have a strong vision for the future.
2. They’ll go to great lengths to rebuild the country.
3. They won’t stand for idiotic interview questions.
4. They make our monuments far more interesting.
5. They’ll keep up morale (in order to further their evil schemes).
6. They’ll eliminate unemployment—albeit through slavery.
7. They’re already part of the shadowy conspiracy that runs the planet.
8. They’re surprisingly easy to depose.
9. Chances are you won’t notice a difference between them and your non-supervillain presidents.
Man, Lauren, you sure have been paying attention to your supervillains. Which is kinda scary. But fun — definitely fun! Read the rest of this entry »
So New York Times columnist David Brooks was on the NewsHour and said out loud what everyone else already knew: Mitt Romney is faking it.
“Several decades ago I had a chance to have dinner with Tom Clancy, the thriller writer,” Brooks said. “And he sat down — he had just toured a battleship and he had seen a new weapon system. And he was bubbling over with excitement about this new weapon system he thought was very interesting. And he was just talking about it with great passion. And I remember thinking, ‘You can’t fake it. If you don’t feel that, you can’t write Tom Clancy novels.’”
“And with Mitt Romney, he’s faking it,” Brooks continued. “I think he’s a non-ideological guy running in an ideological age who is pretending to be way more ideological than he really is. And so he talks like he is this cartoon image of how I’m supposed to be talking and as a result, it is stupid half the time — not half the time, some of the time. It’s an impersonation. And so, if I — knowing it’s too late to change who he is running as, but just be the more boring manager you are. He’s a competent manager — we thought he was.”
Look, Barack Obama is going to be reelected. I’ve been saying this to strangers in the street ever since the Republicans took the House. (Granted, I may be proved wrong if something goes wildly wrong in the Middle East. I mean even wronger than what’s going on now. In which case I will delete this post and deny ever saying that Obama was going to reelected, which I’m only going on record as saying in the event that actually happens.) And the president’s a phony too, playing like he’s some kind of centrist, when in fact, if he had his druthers, which let’s hope to mercy he never has, he would redistribute the fillings in your teeth to Pakistani metal workers and then apologize for Americans’ good oral hygiene. (While funneling taxpayer money to the likes of Solyndra. Quick question: how much energy does it take to clean up the mess of a failed green-energy company? And how much green?) Read the rest of this entry »
Now I’m as likely to watch the proceedings of the Democratic National Convention as I am to watch the Vagina Monologues performed by Helen Thomas and Madeleine Albright. But I am in constant contact with virtual reality, the only reality you can trust, because you can always turn if off. And, according to my Macbook Air, both the Creator of the Universe and the State of Israel were thrown out of the Democratic Party, only to be shoved back in, to clamorous non-applause:
Governor Ted Strickland of Ohio made the motion to change the platform:
This summer, I was proud to serve this party as the platform drafting committee chair. I came before you today to discuss the two important matters related to our party’s national platform. As an ordained United Methodist Minister, I am here to attest and affirm that our faith and belief in God is central to the American story and informs the value we have expressed in our party’s platform. In addition, President Obama recognizes Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and our party’s platform should as well. Mr. Chairman, I have submitted my amendment in writing and I believe it is being projected on the screen for the delegates to see. I move adoption of the amendment as submitted and shown to the delegates.
Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa of Los Angeles, the head of the Democratic National Convention, got up and asked for a two-thirds vote on the amendments to the platform. He took a voice vote, with people stating aloud “aye” and “nay.”
The first time, he couldn’t determine if two-thirds of the voters had said “aye”; a loud “no” vote was heard. He asked for a second vote.
The second time, he couldn’t determine whether the voice vote had passed. Again. Villaraigosa looked around in confusion.
It’s at moments like these that one is tempted to quote Scripture, something about the Tower of Babel, perhaps. But that would be to gild the lilly.
I’m sure the Maker of Heaven and Earth was on tenterhooks during the whole affair, devastated that He might not be able to share the stage with the likes of Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson. But we can breathe easy that the LORD GOD has been returned to the “party’s national platform,” which of course means less than nothing.
How can something be less than nothing, you ask? Certainly you are aware of the esteem in which the separation of powers are held by the president of the United States!
President Barack Obama told an audience in Nevada on Monday that he will be regularly announcing “executive actions” his administration will take to “heal the economy” without the “dysfunctional” Congress.
“I’m here to say to all of you and to say to the people of Nevada and the people of Las Vegas, we can’t wait for an increasingly dysfunctional Congress to do its job. Where they won’t act, I will,” Obama said.
“I’ve told my administration to keep looking every single day for actions we can take without Congress, steps that can save consumers money, make government more efficient and responsive, and help heal the economy. And we’re going to be announcing these executive actions on a regular basis,” the president said.
If that’s not less than nothing, I don’t know what isn’t.
I don’t necessarily blame the president for not wanting to tussle with an obstreperous Congress. After all, it was Mark Twain who said “Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” But if we’re going to devolve into a dictatorship, I would like some prior notice, especially if they start building those walls, like they did in East Germany, which may be the only way to put people back to work, but which are also a bitch to scale, especially when hauling a year’s supply of Kit-Kats and $65,000 worth of electronic equipment stuffed into a Welcome Back, Kotter backpack.
Who knew that the “Change” in “Hope and Change” would refer to what was left in your bank account after the government was through with you …
UPDATE: Word has it that God may not have actually been booed at the Convention, but only sneered at, with some mild sniggering. OK.
UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: RealClear seems to confirm original story.