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Category Archives: R.I.P.

He Would Have Been 80 Today

He was born in a province of southern Italy that gets so much snow, one of its biggest winter tourist attractions is its ski resorts.

His most profound childhood memories were of a German soldier waving a bayonet in his mother’s face, dead Allied soldiers, severe hunger, and children from his town losing limbs to scattered grenades.

When old enough he tried to emigrate to Australia, but a grudge against his family led someone to report, falsely, to the Australian authorities that he was a member of the Communist Party, and his visa was denied.

He turned to America, and booked steerage on an ocean liner, but at the last minute, fearing more sabotage, he canceled his ticket and took a plane, though he hated to fly.

Although he had wanted to be a lawyer, the war and the Italian government’s dilatory response to rebuilding the worst war-torn parts of the South left him with a fifth-grade education. After work in construction, he taught himself the intricacies of locksmithing such that we was called to repair the night depositories, safe-depository boxes, and time locks in banks throughout New York State.

One of his more memorable jobs was servicing the Federal Reserve Bank of New York in Downtown Manhattan. He traveled what seemed like a mile underground to a vault whose door was so thick it was impossible to move manually. He disassembled and repaired the time lock so it would once again open and close on schedule and automatically.

He left the Catholicism of his early years for the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod so he could receive the sacraments with his family. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on February 3, 2012 in R.I.P.

 

Rest in Pizza, Juan Epstein

OK, Welcome Back, Kotter wasn’t Yes, Minister. It wasn’t even The Odd Couple. But damn the cast looked like they were having fun — and they each carved out a goofy persona that, when thrown into the volatile mix of high school hijinx, unrequited love, and a frustrated comic of a homeroom teacher, delivered some explosive laughs.

Robert Hegyes, who played the Puerto Rican Jew Juan Epstein (and who was himself of Hungarian-Italian extract), was both Chico and Harpo to Gabe Kaplan’s Groucho. Overshadowed by John Travolta, who would go on to stupid-super-stardom, and even Ron Palillo, who looked like he was game for a small career as the perennial whiny next-door neighbor, a poorer man’s Rob Schneider, Hegyes never quite gained the career traction his talent warranted.

I was sorry to hear that he died today at age 60.

My high school friends and I used to repeat their routines in class, including turning our desks around 180 degrees when our math teacher came into the room. That may not sound like much to brag about in the way of rebellion, but this was a small, strict Lutheran parochial school, and so it was tantamount to Italianate chaos destroying the machine-like efficiency of a Teutonic institution of lower learning.

Vinnie (“What?”) Barbarino, Juan, Freddie “Boom Boom” (“Hi, there”) Washington, and Arnold (“Ooh! Ooh!”) Horshack would be labeled “special needs” today, with a touch of Asperger’s and a side of Prozac, but they were just adolescent mentalities trapped in post-adolescent bodies.

So, in honor of the late great Juan Epstein, here are a few moments from the show that taught us all to say: “Up your nose with a rubber hose.” (And oh yeah: Remind me to tell you the story of how I got roped into keeping a somewhat “tipsy” Ron Palillo from feeling up the guests at a “Where Are They Now?” party thrown by Biography Magazine back in 1998. I also got my picture taken with Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island — our arms around each other. Yeah, you heard me. This was before I met my wife, so it was OK. So take that you Ginger lovers…)

 
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Posted by on January 26, 2012 in R.I.P.

 

Looking for Jobs in All the Wrong Places

Stephen Fry, besides being a novelist, actor, quizmaster, and very funny, is also something of a techie. He used to write a blog dedicated solely to new gadgets and iStuff. Now add to this resume an interview with Steve Jobs in TIME magazine a while back and naturally everyone came knocking on his door for a comment two days ago.

Fry offers this sober assessment of Jobs and what lasting contributions can be rightly attributed to him, especially once the spigot of effusions from votaries is turned off:

[W]hat was Steve Jobs? He wasn’t a brilliant and innovative electronics engineer like his partner and fellow Apple founder Steve Wozniak. Nor was he an acute businessman and aggressively talented opportunist like Bill Gates. He wasn’t a designer of original genius like Jonathan Ive whose achievements were so integral to Apple’s success from 1997 onwards. He wasn’t a software engineer, a mathematician, a nerd, a financier, an artist or an inventor. Most of the recent obituaries have decided that words like “visionary” suit him best and perhaps they are right.

As always there are those who reveal their asininity (as they did throughout his career) with ascriptions like “salesman”, “showman” or the giveaway blunder “triumph of style over substance”.  The use of that last phrase, “style over substance” has always been, as Oscar Wilde observed, a marvellous and instant indicator of a fool.

Read the whole thing here.

Then watch this and cheer the hell up.

 

Breakfast Links

Tomas Transtromer has won the Nobel Prize for literature. He is known for the familiar “There was an old man from Seville…” though I may be mistaken about that. (For those of you unfamiliar with Mr. Transtromer’s work, however, there will be meetings in Michigan Stadium throughout the month of October.)

“I apologize to those whom are disappointed,” said Sarah Palin, demonstrating both that she would not be running for high office and, inadvertently, why she should not be running for high office.

Some on the left are calling it criminal that journalists are actually quoting some of the dumber Wall Street protesters — because it makes the movement look bad. The left may be getting the hang of this whole entrepreneurial thing finally, seeing as they are determined to provide their own satire and not outsource it.

Kathleen Sebelius warns that the GOP would ban abortion. Just like Ronald Reagan did. And George H.W. Bush did. And George W. Bush did. Only this time, they mean it.

You’re going to have to start paying for your own 3-D glasses. Fair enough given that I still refuse to pay for 3-D movies.

Sheik Reda Shata fashioned himself a partner in NYC’s war on terror until he discovered the FBI was monitoring his and his mosque’s activities. Now he’s mad. So I’d step up the surveillance.

You will pay more for electricity, and there’s nothing you can do about it. I, on the other hand, get all my energy needs met from my synaptic discharges, which may account for my 3kB/hour Internet connection.

Some solutions to those debit-card-fee problems. I have the ultimate fix: keep your checking account empty. That’ll teach ‘em.

And Steve Jobs, R.I.P.:

 
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Posted by on October 6, 2011 in Breakfast Links, R.I.P.

 

Breakfast Links

There have been so many changes made to the Star Wars films post–theatrical release that there is now a timeline available (also see image left). In case you were wondering, the saga now tells the story of a talking pig that wants to join the space program but instead is roasted alive in the burning of Atlanta but not before winning the heavyweight championship of the world. In 3D.

James Cameron is threatening Earth with not one but two sequels to Avatar, so confirms Sigourney Weaver: “Don’t worry, I will be back. [James Cameron] says no one ever dies in science fiction. He’s told me the stories for the next two movies and I have to say that they’re absolutely wonderful and there’s a real treat in store. Now we just have to make them.” This is the only news to make me hope Harold Camping is right about that new Rapture date.

A “rogue” UBS banker lost a stunning $2 billion in crap investments. When asked why no one stepped in to stop this guy before losses had mounted to such a ridiculous sum, UBS big Oswald Gruebel said, “We didn’t want to harsh his mellow.”

Redheads need not apply to the world’s largest sperm bank. Seems not many women are into ginger. When asked to comment, Conan O’Brien merely sputtered obscenities and drove away.

Hollywood thinks Mississippi is filled with ignorant, bigoted, violent, drunken, superstitious, bucktoothed, inbred cave dwellers. So does Alabama.

The minimum cost of a cab ride out of Bob Hope Airport will now be $15.50, even if you’re going a couple of blocks. But that fee does include a free DVD on the making of Bob Hope’s never-released Road to Nowhere.

Italian mountaineer who conquered K2 is dead at age 81. That step from street level to the sidewalk usually does me in, with or without the extra tank of O2, my blood-doping regimen, and my trusty Hunza valet, Slappy.

Secret meetings between Tony Blair and Moammar Gaddafi/Khadaffi/Quadafi have been revealed and are proving to be controversial, as the two are said to have discussed whether Jennifer Aniston really is dull, with the Libyan dictator insisting, “I’d rather punch myself in the throat than endure another evening like that again. You’re better off talking to the carpets.”

Lady Gaga. (That’s it. I just figured it’s now de rigueur to add her name to just about everything whether relevant or not.)

NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg has warned that there will be rioting in the streets if Don Draper does not finally sleep with Peggy Olson, although I may have misread that.

Hillary Clinton is riding a wave of popularity not seen since the days of Mary Tudor.

Regis Philbin’s last appearance on Live with Regis and Hroswitha of Gandersheim will be November 18, and the name of his replacement has everyone on pins and needles. Top contenders include Abe Vigoda, Ed Asner, and the late Cliff Robertson. (Philbin currently holds the Guinness Book of Records title for most appearances on television by a performer not currently under indictment for mail fraud.)

Should we just let pandas drop dead already? Debate to be moderated by Ron Paul.

 

2,977

If latest figures are accurate: 2,996 people died in the September 11, 2001, terror attacks. But only 2,977 were murdered.

 
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Posted by on September 11, 2011 in R.I.P.

 

Happy Birthday, Buddy Holly

The rocker would have been 75 today.

That video is from an episode of Arthur Murray Dance Party, broadcast on December 29, 1957. Man, those dancers really knew how to get down. Could they spare the hip action?

And here’s Gary Busey as Holly in his Oscar-nominated performance:

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2011 in R.I.P.

 

Fred Imus (1942-2011)

He was a riot on his brother’s show, a down-home voice that mixed strangely with the tone of the Northeast broadcast. Sometimes it seemed as if Fred was not merely from another part of the country but also another part of the galaxy:

He’s been a staple of his older brother’s radio show for years, but Fred Imus had much more to his life.

Fred was a cohost on Sirius’ weekend show Fred’s Trailer Park Bash. Reportedly he was found dead Saturday in his Tucson, Arizona trailer after he failed to show up for the Sirius show.

The longtime country music songwriter reached the pinnacle of that career in 1976. That year he and Phil Sweet co-wrote I Dont Want to Have to Marry You, a number-one country hit for Jim Ed Brown and Helen Cornelius.

I’m sure Don Imus is devastated. I noticed there was no live show this morning but had assumed the I-Man was on vacation or busy on his cattle ranch for kids with cancer. Unfortunately for the Imus clan — and fans of all things Imus — no.

 
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Posted by on August 8, 2011 in R.I.P.

 

John R.W. Stott: RIP

A brief tribute at FIRST THOUGHTS.

Also see a running list of encomia over at TitusOneNine.

 
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Posted by on July 28, 2011 in R.I.P., Thank You

 

Sidney Lumet: RIP

Twelve Angry Men. The Fugitive Kind. The Pawnbroker. Fail-Safe. The Hill. The Anderson Tapes. Serpico. Dog Day Afternoon. Network. The Verdict.

One of the most entertaining story tellers in modern American cinema. Great with actors. (Probably his greatest work as a cinematic stylist was in his black-and-white days.)

Sidney Lumet is dead at 86.

Had his politics not been all wrong for the story, Bonfire of the Vanities could have been a great film under his direction.

Nevertheless, enjoy some clips from the wonderful films he did make:

 
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Posted by on April 9, 2011 in R.I.P.

 
 
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