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Diarmaid MacCulloch vs. the Catholic Curia

Cromwell

“Don’t lie to me, I saw you take my scone — ADMIT IT!”

The author of the award-winning biography of the English Reformer Thomas Cranmer, the magisterial The Reformation, and Christianity: The First 3,000 Years, Diarmaid MacCulloch has given an interview to the British Spectator. A few excerpts:

MacCulloch is a believer. For him, as for most Christians, divinity and silence are entwined. God is silent and invisible, even to those who want to hear and see Him. But He is there. ‘The essence of the authority of God is its thereness,’ he says. ‘It’s a bit like our relationship with our parents. There is nothing you can do about it. You can’t declare someone else to be your dad. That seems to me to be a statement about religion. I have a relationship with the Bible because it’s just there. I may not like what it says, I may not approve of it or obey it, but it’s there and I’ve got to cope with it.’ In Silence [his new book] he’s trying a synthesis of history and theology — he is attempting to edit out the man-made noise of the past and tune in to what he calls ‘the Divine Wild Track’.

MacCulloch’s relationship with God is complicated. The only child of a country parson, he grew up lonely and alienated in a big rectory in Suffolk. He loved his parents, but was angry about Christian homophobia. Now 61, he seems to have been reconciled to the Church of England. He’s a deacon and speaks fondly of Rowan Williams and Justin Welby, but he wants to push the leadership of the Anglican Communion towards embracing gay marriage. He is an avid hater of clericalism. Yet every Sunday he celebrates the high-Anglican liturgy at St Barnabas’s in Oxford. ‘I go for orthopraxy — the form — not orthodoxy,’ he explains.

A modern Anglican through and through…

MacCulloch also has something of an adversarial relationship with the Catholic Church and those he sees as revisionists:

MacCulloch isn’t terribly subversive about his own ideas. His values are of his time. He thinks religious dogma on sex should be confined to the history books. He is contemptuous of the hierarchy of the Catholic Church. Roman Catholicism made a big mistake with its move towards papal infallibility in the 19th century, he says. ‘It turned away from its natural state of diffused authority. The Roman Church seems to have forgotten in the last 150 years that it has all these other traditions and now they’re there waiting for the church in its hour of crisis. The last two papacies have been disastrous — nemesis has got them now.

‘Conservative Catholic friends of mine are increasingly disappointed and angry,’ he adds, referring to recent Vatican scandals. ‘These people are suddenly confronted with realities, and they are unwilling to defend the hierarchy in the way that they used to. It’s lovely seeing that sort of attitude emerge. It’s nothing but healthy for the Roman Catholic church. It is a sort of Anglicanism -emerging.’

MacCulloch insists that he is ‘not anti-Catholic, but anti-curial.’

Aren’t we all? Oh, and there’s this:

Does being gay make you a better historian? ‘Immensely, immensely,’ says Diarmaid MacCulloch. ‘From a young age, four or five onwards, I began to realise that the world was not as it pretends to be, there are lots of other things there. You learn how to listen to what is being half-said or implied, and that’s a transferable skill.’

MacCulloch’s new book, the aforementioned Silence: A Christian History, sounds, well, bad:

‘Silence is allied to wordlessness and wordlessness is allied to music,’ he explains in the book. He refers to ‘the dog that did not bark in the nighttime’ in Conan Doyle’s ‘Silver Blaze’. (The animal’s quietness suggests to Sherlock Holmes that it knew the killer.) For MacCulloch, the good historian must do his own detective work and read into the gaps, listen for voices that weren’t recorded. ‘History has been written largely by men and the noise in history is mostly male,’ he says. ‘Subtract that, and you can hear all the other voices which haven’t been heard — most obviously, and crudely, women.’

I say sounds because MacCulloch is a gifted scholar who may surprise, and no doubt will inform. But should it disappoint, there’s always:

His next book — ‘the literal bookend of my career’ — is a huge  volume on Thomas Cromwell, the man who presided over the dissolution of the monasteries. Like the novelist Hilary Mantel, who says that ‘nowadays the Catholic Church is not an institution for respectable people’, MacCulloch sees Cromwell as a sympathetic figure.

Now THAT sounds like fun.

 
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Posted by on April 4, 2013 in Let's Hope This Doesn't Suck

 

Anyone Can Order, but It Takes a Mensch to Preorder

Yes, I am throwing caution to the wind, which is much better than throwing it to Lenny, who lost it last time, and I had to pay a fee, which has made me doubly cautious.

I preordered my iPhone 5 today, a decision fraught with tension, angst, and a dark sense of dread that I haven’t experienced since I invested in Friendster. (I am happy to report, however, that I am totally free of Weltschmerz, thanks to that new cream I bought off the TV.)

First of all, I had to give up my old unlimited data plan. Because its limits were un, I never bothered to calculate how many megabeeps or gigaboops I was using. For all I know, I ate up a scant three or four kilomites, just enough to log on to my Friendster account. (I occasionally play a knockoff of Angry Birds, called Kittens with Ennui, but the game is so slow-going, I usually give up after a minute or two.)

Then again, because I spend a lot of time on apologetics discussion boards trying to exonerate the Bogomils from some of the nastier charges that cling to their reputation, I may be burning through 50, 60 terranertz daily, which would result in a bill of such extravagance that I’d have to cut something out of my monthly budget, like my membership in the Mullets, my barbershop quartet (each Mullet must cover part of the travel expenses, and the trips to Guantánamo are adding up).

And then there’s the hard drive: 16, 32, 64? My music collection is rather meager, limited to TV theme songs and the “Bagno” aria from Condottieri’s Il mio maiale di una madre-in-law. Pictures are another matter. I despise nature, but I do take a lot of pictures of stuff in department store windows, which I then send to friends and family with the caption “Buy this for me.” I opted for the lower end of storage capacity, because I can always offload extra data onto my Macbook Air, iMac, or Wang 2200.

I was told by the nice man at the Verizon store that I should expect my phone October 5, because Apple sold out of the phone the very first day it was available for preorder. I proceeded to behave in a very un-Christian manner. I started to excoriate the incompetence of the staff, the shortsightedness of Apple, the concupiscence of the Bogomils. It was not pretty. I was finally mollified by an offer of a free one of these.

You would think Apple would know to manufacture enough of their gadgets by now. If you’re introducing a new iteration of the Zune, OK, two or three hundred should do it. But Apple should be thinking in terms of quattuordecillions, which is 10 to the 45th power. And even then, throw in another five or six million to cover accidental breakage at the plant should an uprising of slave-wage workers occur.

That was preorder No. 1. And as you can see, it was quite an ordeal. (It’s not easy being me.) The second preorder was of Pastor Jonathan Fisk’s new book, Broken: 7 “Christian” Rules that Every Christian Ought to Break as Often as Possible

Now what possible risk could be involved in preordering a book like this? O where do I begin? First of all, what if he’s wrong? What if there aren’t 7 “Christian” rules that ought to be broken? What if there are only six—or nine? And what if they’re not really rules but only suggestions forcefully advanced? And what if the irony quotes are in the wrong place? Maybe the subtitle should read: 7 Christian Rules that “Every” Christian Ought to Break as Often as Possible, or 7 Christian Rules that Every “Christian” Ought to Break as Often as Possible.

Or what if he uses words like papistical or gelatinous or swashbuckling? Who wants to read about a gelatinous papistical swashbuckling anything?

And worst of all: What if I’m not mentioned in it? I tossed my copy of Les Misérables for that very reason. You would think with the word Misérables in the title, I would pop up somewhere. And here I am one-quarter Gascogne blood. You would think it would count for something.

Anyway, if you don’t know who Jonathan Fisk is, he’s this guy. If you’re a confessional Lutheran, especially of the LCMS variety, I have every reason to believe you’ll enjoy his videos. If you’re a filthy communist or something, then not so much. So you can try this:

TRANSLATION: “Don’t fall for those creams you buy on the television. I have tried many of such concoctions, and you can see what it has done to my hairline. Moreover, when they took my credit card number over the phone, I deliberately asked them to bill me all at once, and not to break up the payments over a period of three months. Here we are in month six, and I am still coughing up $39.99 for that stuff. It makes you lose faith in the inherent goodness of man. I would have had the operator shot, but then I would have had to cancel my credit card and start all over. And don’t get me started on the banks. Which reminds me of a joke I heard once. How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, provided the government will quantitatively ease it first. Ha ha ha ha. That one always kills me. Not literally of course.”

 

CIA Asked to Confirm Facts in a Maureen Dowd Column. “Not Enough Manpower” Came Reply.

When I read this, I laughed and laughed and laughed, and then started to choke on my Mentos, which was not nearly as funny.

So Maureen Dowd, NY Times columnist known for boring more Catholic prelates than a visit from a parochial vicar, was preparing a column on the Osama bin Laden raid and the potential Hollywood hook—namely meetings between government insiders and Oscar-winning director Kathryn Bigelow—and asked fellow Times server Matt Mazzetti to fact-check the piece. Mazzetti, stunned that Dowd was suddenly concerned with facts, did what any red-blooded American reporter would do—he sent the article to the Central Intelligence Agency.

Now, it’s unclear whether he did so because he thought (a) Dowd had been kidnapped and a more conscientious journalist had taken her place, or (b) only an organization with the resources of the CIA could possibly hunt down facts in anything she had written.

The CIA was more than happy to help, however, given that that “are trying to have visibility into the UBL projects and this is likely the most high profile one. Would like to have whatever group is going around in here at the WH [White House] to get a sense of what they’re doing / what cooperation they’re seeking.”

CIA spokesperson Marie E. Harf openly discussed providing preferential treatment to the Boal/Bigelow project over others related to the bin Laden killing: “I know we don’t pick favorites but it makes sense to get behind a winning horse…Mark and Kathryn’s movie is going to be the first and the biggest. It’s got the most money behind it, and two Oscar winners on board…”

Now that’s what I want to hear from central intelligence! Concern with money, visibility, and glory!

Needless to say, the Times managing editor [does it really matter what his name is?] is less than pleased, in fact, he declared Mr. Mazzetti’s move a “mistake that is not consistent with New York Times standards.”

We here at Strange Herring immediately requested a copy of those standards. Here is what we received:

 

Leonardo DiCaprio Is J. Edgar Hoover

Clint Eastwood directs, and so it will be interesting to see the take on this guy.

Also coming up, Warren Beatty is returning to the big screen with a biopic of … Howard Hughes. Wasn’t there a Howard Hughes movie by a major director and big star already, and recently?

 

‘The Mill & the Cross’? Starring the Guy from ‘Blade Runner’?

What is it?

Pieter Bruegel’s epic masterpiece “The Way To Calvary” depicts the story of Christ’s Passion set in Flanders under brutal Spanish occupation in the year 1564, the year Bruegel created his painting. From among the more than 500 figures that fill Bruegel’s remarkable canvas, The Mill and The Cross focuses on a dozen characters whose life stories unfold and intertwine in a panoramic landscape populated by villagers and red-caped horsemen. Among them are Bruegel himself (Rutger Hauer), his friend and art collector Nicholas Jonghelinck (Michael York) and the Virgin Mary (Charlotte Rampling). One of today’s most adventurous and inspired artists and filmmakers, Lech Majewski (screenwriter of Basquiat), invites the viewer to live inside the aesthetic universe of the painting as we watch it being created. Majewski worked for three years to complete the film, pioneering a new method to “enter” a painting and watch the characters come to life that leads to magical results. Like Russian Ark, the film is an unforgettable synthesis of art and life. It’s also a feast of stunning visual effects, a provocative allegory and a cinematic tour de force on religious freedom and human rights.

It too opens Friday and will run for one week. I’ll try and catch it either over the weekend or early next week, as it’s playing at one of the art houses in Philly. (I can’t be in two places at once on Friday! I’m not Padre Pio!)

I always imagined doing a Life of Christ set either in Han Dynasty China or 23rd-century Japan.

The Mill & the Cross has all the makings of a great contribution to Christ-inspired art — or an incredibly ponderous work of politically self-important, self-indulgent camp.

Here’s hoping for the former.

 

Breakfast Links

There have been so many changes made to the Star Wars films post–theatrical release that there is now a timeline available (also see image left). In case you were wondering, the saga now tells the story of a talking pig that wants to join the space program but instead is roasted alive in the burning of Atlanta but not before winning the heavyweight championship of the world. In 3D.

James Cameron is threatening Earth with not one but two sequels to Avatar, so confirms Sigourney Weaver: “Don’t worry, I will be back. [James Cameron] says no one ever dies in science fiction. He’s told me the stories for the next two movies and I have to say that they’re absolutely wonderful and there’s a real treat in store. Now we just have to make them.” This is the only news to make me hope Harold Camping is right about that new Rapture date.

A “rogue” UBS banker lost a stunning $2 billion in crap investments. When asked why no one stepped in to stop this guy before losses had mounted to such a ridiculous sum, UBS big Oswald Gruebel said, “We didn’t want to harsh his mellow.”

Redheads need not apply to the world’s largest sperm bank. Seems not many women are into ginger. When asked to comment, Conan O’Brien merely sputtered obscenities and drove away.

Hollywood thinks Mississippi is filled with ignorant, bigoted, violent, drunken, superstitious, bucktoothed, inbred cave dwellers. So does Alabama.

The minimum cost of a cab ride out of Bob Hope Airport will now be $15.50, even if you’re going a couple of blocks. But that fee does include a free DVD on the making of Bob Hope’s never-released Road to Nowhere.

Italian mountaineer who conquered K2 is dead at age 81. That step from street level to the sidewalk usually does me in, with or without the extra tank of O2, my blood-doping regimen, and my trusty Hunza valet, Slappy.

Secret meetings between Tony Blair and Moammar Gaddafi/Khadaffi/Quadafi have been revealed and are proving to be controversial, as the two are said to have discussed whether Jennifer Aniston really is dull, with the Libyan dictator insisting, “I’d rather punch myself in the throat than endure another evening like that again. You’re better off talking to the carpets.”

Lady Gaga. (That’s it. I just figured it’s now de rigueur to add her name to just about everything whether relevant or not.)

NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg has warned that there will be rioting in the streets if Don Draper does not finally sleep with Peggy Olson, although I may have misread that.

Hillary Clinton is riding a wave of popularity not seen since the days of Mary Tudor.

Regis Philbin’s last appearance on Live with Regis and Hroswitha of Gandersheim will be November 18, and the name of his replacement has everyone on pins and needles. Top contenders include Abe Vigoda, Ed Asner, and the late Cliff Robertson. (Philbin currently holds the Guinness Book of Records title for most appearances on television by a performer not currently under indictment for mail fraud.)

Should we just let pandas drop dead already? Debate to be moderated by Ron Paul.

 

Bobcat Goldthwait Says We Shouldn’t Know Who the Kardashians Are

And who can disagree? I mean, we shouldn’t know who 80 percent of the people who populate popular culture are. Most “celebrities” are nonachievers famous for being clueless, for living hermetically sealed lives in which Me, Myself & I are their closest companions. They only get on the teletube because no matter how rich or famous they become, and no matter how financially drained and universally ignored we remain, we can always feel superior to somebody.

But back to Goldthwait. He has a new movie coming out called God Bless America. Here’s a précis:

The movie itself is something of an oddball roadtrip comedy crossed with a furious social critique. After divorced office drone Frank (Joel Murray, recently of “Mad Men”) is told by his doctor he has a brain tumor, he sets off into a downward spiral. Having also lost his job and realizing his increasingly bratty daughter wants nothing to do with him, he projects his frustration out onto the world, setting off on a kill-spree rampage that targets meanness, rudeness and the coarsening of American culture.

Along the way he picks up teenage Roxy (Tara Lynn Barr, in a performance both sweet and psychotic) and takes her under his wing as the family he wishes he had.

Friday night’s audience loudly received Frank and Roxy’s rants on the state of what’s wrong in the world, which included the Kardashians, talk radio and anger-driven TV newcasts, people who say “literally” too much, phones in movie theaters, high-fives and other assorted annoyances. Even such unlikely targets as the writer Diablo Cody and her movie “Juno” come under fire. ”How can we be a civilization if we can’t even be civilized?” asks Frank at one point.

If you’ve never seen Goldthwait’s World’s Greatest Dad, starring Robin Williams, I highly recommend it, as the caustic humor that turns people’s expectations and assumptions upside down is very appealing to me (albeit in small doses, and depending on the nature of the critique the author/director is making). I mean, how many times do you get to enjoy a movie about a slacker, loner teen who dies young — and you’re not only OK with that, you’re doing the Rocky dance all the way home from the theater?

God Bless America sounds a little like Falling Down, if that film had had a sense of humor. Or a point.

The casting of Joel Murray is interesting. Obviously, star power is not going to be the draw here, merely the sensibility and, presumably, the yucks. We’ll see if Goldthwait can pull this off with a larger audience than that crammed into a theater at the Toronto Film Festival, many of whose members were probably just compensating for the fact that they weren’t able to get into a screening of Coriolanus — which I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE.

You common cry of curs! whose breath I hate
As reek o’ the rotten fens, whose loves I prize
As the dead carcasses of unburied men
That do corrupt my air, I banish you;
And here remain with your uncertainty!
Let every feeble rumour shake your hearts!
Your enemies, with nodding of their plumes,
Fan you into despair!

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! AH AH AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA—crrccccccccckkkk.

Ugh, phew…swallowed my gum…

 
 
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