City official votes in Delaware

So back in New York, we used to have those black lever things that you flipped down. When you were done, you pulled this arm with a bright red handle to the left to record your vote. (One year I objected to having to pull it to the left and not to the right, and demanded to speak with someone in charge. I was physically removed from the high school, an experience I was already familiar with from my younger days.)

Then, in 2010, during the race for governor, when I cast my last vote as a New Yorker (for Jimmy McMillan, erstwhile leader of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party), they changed machines. You had to poke or rub or tweak or puncture something. There was definitely violence involved. I kept asking for a “do-over” until I was physically removed from the American Legion hall. That, admittedly, was a first.

Now in Delaware, they have another kind of machine, one I couldn’t make heads or tails of. First, I was greeted by “Earl,” who kept insisting that Election Day was yesterday and that the president had been re-elected “as had been foretold.” When I asked why all the machines if the election was over, he insisted the gymnasium had been preserved as a museum of the “olden days when people couldn’t make up their damn minds the right way.”

I kept pressing him on this, and he finally sighed heavily, rolled his eyes, and had me climb into this pod, which enveloped me completely and was slowly lowered into the earth. So I’m lying in total darkness about six feet below ground level when suddenly I’m staring into a series of concentric circles, which grew larger and then smaller and then larger, and changed color. I then had to count backward from 100 as a voice echoed in my head, saying something like “I am the Paraclete of Caborca. Trust me.” I threw up a little and started to scratch and claw at the interior of the pod. A hissing sound ensued.

Next thing I knew I was in my car, engine running, heat on. A flyer was taped to my steering wheel: “You’ve been warned. Have a nice day.”

Now Delaware is a Blue State and Biden country. It is also corrupt, violent, and wracked with cronyism. So I’m concerned.

I should have known something was up when I received an e-mail last night with this video embedded. The e-mail was signed “A Friend”: