“I’m going to need a good disguise once this thing comes out.”

What, Kirk Cameron isn’t good enough for mainstream moving pictures?!

So Hollywood has taken a stand on eschatology. It is definitely pretrib. Isn’t that just like those rich narcissists, wanting to be spared the wrath to come, so up, up and away!

Academy Award–winning actor Nicolas Cage is reportedly in talks to star in “Left Behind,” a mainstream remake of the Christian-themed movie trilogy about the End Times.

The reboot will mark the first film from Stoney Lake Entertainment, a new production company led by Paul Lalonde, a Canadian/American film producer and writer and co-founder of Cloud Ten Pictures, variety.com reported Friday.

“Left Behind” is the first installment of a 16-book series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins about the adventures of the sinners left on earth after the Rapture. The series, first published 1995-2007 by Tyndale House, has sold more than 65 million copies around the world.

The series has already been adapted into three action thriller films starring Kirk Cameron, who plays the leader of the Tribulation Force against the Global Community and its leader Nicolae Carpathia, the Antichrist. The original series was launched in 2001.

Lalonde will produce the action thriller with Michael Walker, and co-write the script with John Patus, who wrote 2005′s “Left Behind: World at War,” the entertainment news agency said. Veteran stunt coordinator and second unit director Vic Armstrong is in talks to direct.

I can just see the star of Ghost Rider, Next, Knowing, and of course Kick-Ass (no, not the one with Laurence Olivier and Ralph Richardson, the other one) in this contraption. But will he play Pastor Barnes? Or Rayford Steele? Or maybe Cameron “Buck” Williams?

Who cares? As much fun as it would be to watch someone of Cage’s talents (and he is talented) and earnestness plopped into the middle of this scenario, I don’t see it coming off. I mean, how much can he possibly need the money? The budget is projected to be a crummy $15 million — so it’s not like he’s going to break any records with his fee. (The Kirk Cameron extravaganza had a budget of only $4 million, and made only a little more than that. Unless it did boffo biz on DVD and cable, when you throw in post-production costs, it maybe broke even.)

Is Cage determined to kill his career? I don’t have any reason to believe Cameron brought him to Jesus, so let’s say that, yes, he’s determined to kill his career.

But that’s what reality TV is for.