“Get that thing out of my face, man, I mean, every time…”

So this guy, this skydiver guy, jumped out of a capsule and fell 128,000 feet, breaking the speed of sound — only to land.

[Felix] Baumgartner reached an unofficial speed of 704 miles an hour as he plunged toward the Earth with nothing but a space suit, helmet and parachute, his support team said.

He had hoped as he plunged to be the first person to break the sound barrier — which is 761 mph at sea level, but is slower as one goes higher above Earth — without the protection of a vehicle. However, his sponsor Red Bull said that it would await review and certification before saying whether he broke the speed of sound at any one point in his free-fall.

Mission Control, though, said during the jump that the skydiver did not “break the record for time elapsed” before pulling the parachute.

Dubbed “Fearless Felix,” the Austrian helicopter pilot and former soldier had parachuted from such landmarks as the Petronas Towers in Malaysia and the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro.

Idiot. Everybody knows you don’t fall out of stuff unless you’re pushed. Or eluding police.

As for this heroic “achievement,” he fell out of a thing in the sky on purpose with a parachute for the television. Yeah, real storming the beaches of Normandy stuff. Try falling down a flight of basement stairs carrying a hassock and no one watching and having to employ survivalist tactics to survive 20 hellish minutes trapped without food or water. 

Another thing: the speed of sound is measured by how long it takes for an Italian-American kid to run home after hearing his mother yell from the sixth-story window of a Queens walk-up, “Dinner!”

I still hold that record.

Wake me when somebody does something really daring, like give the Nobel Peace Prize to someone who has actually brought peace to some place somewhere.