“Lindsay Lohan! I love you! Call me! I’m on LinkedIn!!”
So Ayman al-Zawahiri, a “leader” of al-Qaeda with the key to the executive nuthouse to prove it, has recorded a message intended to enflame the Muslim world. Which is about as difficult to do as it is to find big hair at the Grand Ole Opry.
Al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri said a film made in the United States mocking the Prophet Mohammad showed Washington was waging a “crusader Zionist war” against Muslims and he called for more protests outside American embassies.
Like in other messages released by al Qaeda’s Yemeni and North African branches last month, Zawahiri praised last month’s assault on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi that killed four diplomats but stopped short of claiming responsibility.
In the recording, posted on Islamist websites on Friday, he called on “free and distinguished zealots for Islam” who attacked the consulate and protested outside other American embassies to “continue their opposition to American crusader Zionist aggression against Islam and Muslims”.
The recording appeared on the Mujahedin al-Ansar website which carries statements from al Qaeda leaders.
Now here’s the bit that bothers me: “free and distingushied zealots for Islam.” Free as in no longer strapped to a gurney? Or free as in lots of spare time given no marketable skills? And who’s to decide what constitutes “distinguished”? Are we talking Twitter followers? “Likes” on Facebook? Technorati rating?
Perhaps there are zealots who are big deals in some countries and not in others. What if I’m a big shot in Yemen but in Malaysia, just try and get a table at a halfway decent restaurant … ?
And how zealous do you have to be? Can I just be really, really annoyed? Do I have to throw a rock? Do I have to strap C4 to my torso and kill some children on a school bus?
You see what I mean with these ads? You never know what it is they’re really looking for until you go to the interview, waste half a day, and then — “Oh, sorry, but you have no hostage-taking experience.”
But you couldn’t spell that out in the original message? I had to get a babysitter, I had to borrow my brother-in-law’s car…
People.
