Blessed are the grease makers…

1. The letter P, because it’s the first letter in “Peace”

2. Malta, because it never wins anything

3. Sammy Wong, high school ninja, for bringing peace to P.S. 146

4. Chuck E. Cheese, because no one has ever died from eating their black-olive vegetarian pizza

5. The Nobel Committee, for dodging all those bullets

6. The Lord’s Resistance Army, for making the rest of the world look good

7. The inventor of the giant foam hand

8. Eddie Money, for appearing in those GEICO commercials and offering hope to zombies around the globe

9. Twitter, for deciding against 141 characters, which would have given the wrong voice to a generation

10. Flannelette, because no terrorist would be caught dead wearing it