6,000 Choose Christ at Joyce Meyer Conference! In Other News, Jimmy Hoffa Found in Detroit Driveway!

“And the Lord spoke to me out of the whirlwind: ‘Plastics.’”

Wow! Six thousand! That’s more than Jesus fed with the loaves and fishes! Wow!

Joyce Meyer Ministries celebrated the 30th anniversary of its “Love Life Women’s Conference” in St. Louis, Mo., this past weekend, showcasing keynote speakers such as Joel Osteen and Christine Caine at the event where an estimated 6,000 women converted to Christianity.

“Teachings by Christine Caine made them laugh. Dave Meyer got them fired up on America and attendees saw a different side to Joel Osteen when he cried,” Joyce Meyers Ministries shared in a press release after the three-day conference.

The conference, which took place from Sept. 20-22 at the Edward Jones Dome in St. Louis, was described as by the ministry as a “celebration of the power of hope.”

The Examiner reports that of the estimated [27,000] women who attended, close to 6,000 women “committed their life to Christ during the conference.”

Wow! Listen up, you loser pastors! Six thousand in one take! You get fifty on a decent Sunday who don’t walk out during the reciting of the Creed, and you think you’re God’s gift to the universe! But these conference hosts managed to get 6,000 women to choose Jesus! Not pie or Manolo Blahniks—Jesus!

Joyce Meyer was filled with the Holy Spirit as God showed up in this place.

If spiritual renewal is found in weekend retreats, this women’s conference takes top honors.

God showed up at that place! And He was supposed to be in Cleveland! And top honors! Wow! Why would teachings by Christine Caine make them laugh?! Isn’t her ministry about ending abuse and human trafficking?! I don’t get why any of that is funny! But I guess you had to be there! And I can’t stop yelling!

Wow! Six thousand! So many books and CDs! So little time!

UPDATE: The original Christian Post report, culled from the Examiner article, included a typo. It stated that out of 2,700 attendees, 6,000 converted, which, as Steve in the combox notes, truly would be a miracle worthy of the loaves and fishes. In fact, 27,000 attended over several days. Which gives an ROI of 22.22%, which most people would take on their savings account, no?

IN OTHER NEWS: The body of now-legendary Teamsters leader Jimmy Hoffa, whose final resting place has long been a mystery, may finally have been found—in a Detroit driveway.

Hoffa was last seen on July 30, 1975, outside a suburban Detroit restaurant where he was supposed to meet with a New Jersey Teamsters boss and a Detroit Mafia captain. His body has not been found despite a number of searches over the years.

Innumerable theories about the demise of the union boss have surfaced over time. Among them: He was entombed in concrete at Giants Stadium in New Jersey, ground up and thrown in a Florida swamp or obliterated in a mob-owned fat-rendering plant. The search has continued under a backyard pool north of Detroit in 2003, under the floor of a Detroit home in 2004 and at a horse farm northwest of Detroit in 2006.

Note to self: Never meet with a Detroit Mafia “captain.” Stick with noncommissioned officers.

Oh, and stay out of Detroit:

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5 thoughts on “6,000 Choose Christ at Joyce Meyer Conference! In Other News, Jimmy Hoffa Found in Detroit Driveway!

  1. Doesn’t anyone else find it mickle-strange that “of the estimated 2,700 women who attended, close to 6,000 women ‘committed their life to Christ’ during the conference”? What happened here? Does this mean that the conference is run lke a Chicago political machine where you areencouraged to “convert early and often”? Or instead of simply multiplying loaves and fishes these speakers can multiply human beings!

    • Oh ye of little faith…
      Actually, it was a typo in the original Christian Post report, which I have now corrected: 27,000 attended, not 2700.

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