“Who do you think we are, that freaking Justin Bieber?!”

So Pakistan’s railway minister, Ghulam Ahmad Bilour, has offered $100,000 to anyone who will off the man who made Innocence of Muslims, a ludicrous depiction of the life of Muhammad that makes Islam’s prophet look like one of the Borgias by way of Caligula’s asthmatic cousin, Slappy:

Railway Minister Ghulam Ahmad Bilour announced the bounty at a news conference Saturday, but he made clear to CNN he was speaking for himself and not as a government representative.

Asked whether he was concerned about committing or condoning a crime as a government official, Bilour said, “I am a Muslim first, then a government representative.”

He said he invited the Taliban and al Qaeda to carry out the assassination.

Were these formal invitations, like with embroidered borders? Was there a Save-the-Date?

Keep in mind, Mr. Bilour, who is in desperate need of some downtime from playing with his choo-choos, is a member of the Awami National Party—which is to say, the left-wing party. So you kinda hate to think what the right wingers are up to.

Sen. Zahid Khan, a spokesman for Bilour’s political party, said the minister’s action is not representative of the Awami National Party.

“We believe in nonviolence. How could we make such announcements?” Khan said. “Our party has been fighting against militancy and extremism for years. How could we invite Taliban and al Qaeda to kill someone? Taliban and al Qaeda are our enemies who have killed our loved ones.”

OK, good to know—not that that their loved ones have been killed, certainly, but that Mr. Khan is as fruity as Billie Joe Armstrong, who also went off his nut, it seems, smashing things and saying naughty words when he was told that his band, Green Day, had to wrap up their cover of “Walk Like an Egyptian”:

“I’m not f—ing Justin Bieber, you motherf—–s. You’ve got to be f—ing joking … I got one minute left.” Green Day then smashed their instruments before departing the stage.

Didn’t KISS start that trend, of smashing instruments and refusing to eff Justin Bieber? Again, I’m not overly familiar with the whole rock scene, and have been known to confuse Prince with Queen and stuff like that.

“Billie Joe is seeking treatment for substance abuse. We would like everyone to know that our set was not cut short by Clear Channel and to apologize to those we offended at the iHeartRadio Festival in Las Vegas. We regretfully must postpone some of our upcoming promotional appearances.”

Excellent. Good to hear. Now, would he take the Pakistani minister with him?

For the record, the White House issued a statement apologizing to Pakistan and to all lunatics everywhere for putting them in this position. It offered free downloads of a variety of President Obama’s favorite tunes, including this one: