So this international ranking agency compiled a list of the Top 700 Universities in the World, and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology came out on top, with the best cafeteria, a first-rate squash court, and a library. No. 2 was Harvard, No. 3 was Cambridge, and No. 4 was a school nobody heard of.
Some of the stunning inclusions: at No. 227, Portnoy School for the Slender; at No. 350, right smack in the middle of the list, was Death Valley Baptist College, home to Noah’s Park and Rainbow Room; and dead last was the State University of New York at Schenectady. Go figure.
Among the criteria employed for evaluating universities: calamitous expense, mentions in spy movies, research into robot dental technicians, diversity (percentage of Koreans vs. percentage of Chinese), and access to holographic sex partners during finals.
Please note that the University of Bucharest, the University of Calcutta, and the University of Denver all tied for 601+.
I’d take Bob Seger’s advice: