“I am not a Taliban soldier, but I do enjoy a nice summer evening walking among Coalition ammo dumps…”

Oh the lengths to which lonely Afghan insurgents will go to win a Friday night out with a winsome Coalition soldier. Yes, it’s come to this: Taliban are logging on to Facebook and posing as, I won’t say bimbos, which is sexist, but I will say aggressive gals to lure unsuspecting and priapic Aussie soldiers into giving it up. And by “it” I mean troop movements and coordinates, or course.

Australian soldiers are given pre-deployment briefings about enemies creating fake profiles to spy on troops.

Personnel are also being warned that geo-tagging — a function of many websites that secretly logs the location from where a post is made or a photo is uploaded – is a significant danger.

Family and friends of soldiers are inadvertently jeopardising missions by sharing confidential information online, the report warns.

Three Australian soldiers were this month murdered inside their base, allegedly by an Afghan Army trainee. …

The review found an “overt reliance” on privacy settings had led to “a false sense of security” among personnel.

The review warns troops to beware of “fake profiles — media personnel and enemies create fake profiles to gather information. For example, the Taliban have used pictures of attractive women as the front of their Facebook profiles and have befriended soldiers.”

Doesn’t Facebook have a policy about creating fake profiles? I would think these guys are looking at some serious account lockouts.

The murder of those soldiers is horrific, and we should in mind what’s at stake here. But I couldn’t help but imagine that scene of Taliban soldiers, each of whom smells like the chafed inner thighs of a fisherman’s whore, sitting around their Panasonic Toughbook (the laptop of choice for incendiary groups everywhere) trying to decide on the lovely lady whose visage would prove most beguiling to a twentysomething Western soldier. Do they go Megan Foxish? Brooklyn Deckery? Jessica Alban? A little older? Charlize Theronic? Oh the debates that must break out! How many bouts of fisticuffs ensued as these war-weary theocrats fought for their personal favorite!

“I kill you you say Katie Holmes again! I am not being Katie Holmes!”

“You wish you could be Katie Holmes! You wish you could be Sherlock Holmes, that would still be a step up, you lice-ridden nincompoop!”

“If I could be Sherlock Holmes I could at least figure out where the enemy is hiding!”

“Gentlemen, please, we’re losing precious time. You will be Cameron Diaz, and you will be Katy Perry.”

“Cameron Diaz? Isn’t she one hundred and forty years old by now? I refuse to be Cameron Diaz! I will see you in hell before I am Cameron Diaz! I am Anne Hathaway or I am nothing!”

“Anne Hathaway looks like a stick insect. If her skull were any narrower, she could pick locks with it.”

“That is very hurtful. Very, very hurtful…”

And so on.

By the way, how do we know that this tactic is limited to the Afghan war? I would beware, you Facebookers. That comely lass you’re convinced is “so into you” probably may have a maggot-filled beard and enough C4 to blow more than your mind.

Stick with eHarmony and Christian Mingle. They no doubt have security measures in place that will ensure that getting to first base is as benign as it sounds.