Joshua vs. the Amorites, who stole his pants.

Now I’m as likely to watch the proceedings of the Democratic National Convention as I am to watch the Vagina Monologues performed by Helen Thomas and Madeleine Albright. But I am in constant contact with virtual reality, the only reality you can trust, because you can always turn if off. And, according to my Macbook Air, both the Creator of the Universe and the State of  Israel were thrown out of the Democratic Party, only to be shoved back in, to clamorous non-applause:

Governor Ted Strickland of Ohio made the motion to change the platform:

This summer, I was proud to serve this party as the platform drafting committee chair. I came before you today to discuss the two important matters related to our party’s national platform. As an ordained United Methodist Minister, I am here to attest and affirm that our faith and belief in God is central to the American story and informs the value we have expressed in our party’s platform. In addition, President Obama recognizes Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and our party’s platform should as well. Mr. Chairman, I have submitted my amendment in writing and I believe it is being projected on the screen for the delegates to see. I move adoption of the amendment as submitted and shown to the delegates.

Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa of Los Angeles, the head of the Democratic National Convention, got up and asked for a two-thirds vote on the amendments to the platform. He took a voice vote, with people stating aloud “aye” and “nay.”

The first time, he couldn’t determine if two-thirds of the voters had said “aye”; a loud “no” vote was heard. He asked for a second vote.

The second time, he couldn’t determine whether the voice vote had passed. Again. Villaraigosa looked around in confusion.

It’s at moments like these that one is tempted to quote Scripture, something about the Tower of Babel, perhaps. But that would be to gild the lilly.

I’m sure the Maker of Heaven and Earth was on tenterhooks during the whole affair, devastated that He might not be able to share the stage with the likes of Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson. But we can breathe easy that the LORD GOD has been returned to the “party’s national platform,” which of course means less than nothing.

How can something be less than nothing, you ask? Certainly you are aware of the esteem in which the separation of powers are held by the president of the United States!

President Barack Obama told an audience in Nevada on Monday that he will be regularly announcing “executive actions” his administration will take to “heal the economy” without the “dysfunctional” Congress.

“I’m here to say to all of you and to say to the people of Nevada and the people of Las Vegas, we can’t wait for an increasingly dysfunctional Congress to do its job. Where they won’t act, I will,” Obama said.

“I’ve told my administration to keep looking every single day for actions we can take without Congress, steps that can save consumers money, make government more efficient and responsive, and help heal the economy. And we’re going to be announcing these executive actions on a regular basis,” the president said.

If that’s not less than nothing, I don’t know what isn’t.

I don’t necessarily blame the president for not wanting to tussle with an obstreperous Congress. After all, it was Mark Twain who said “Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” But if we’re going to devolve into a dictatorship, I would like some prior notice, especially if they start building those walls, like they did in East Germany, which may be the only way to put people back to work, but which are also a bitch to scale, especially when hauling a year’s supply of Kit-Kats and $65,000 worth of electronic equipment stuffed into a Welcome Back, Kotter backpack.

Who knew that the “Change” in “Hope and Change” would refer to what was left in your bank account after the government was through with you …

UPDATE: Word has it that God may not have actually been booed at the Convention, but only sneered at, with some mild sniggering. OK.

UPDATE TO THE UPDATE: RealClear seems to confirm original story.