In Nanny Bloomberg’s world, every kid’s too fat, too stupid, and, we thought, too out of control. Until now. Changes to the NYC Public School Disciplinary Code, a tome so thick it once provided temporary housing for the Swiss Consulate, will see a certain moderation in the penalties for specific infractions.
For example, cursing and cutting class will no longer be punishable with suspension, at least not more than three feet off the gym floor. Smoking, too, will be tolerated, but only if the hall monitor was set aflame before the official start of class.
For kindergarten through third grade, shoving used to warrant a suspension, but won’t anymore.
“I don’t think suspension should be on the table for shoving in kindergarten. They’re so little, they need to learn,” parent Sharon Kennedy said.
Really? I’m a product of Lutheran parochial schools, and in my day shoving meant you were handed a shovel and told to dig your own grave. And that was just for questioning the wisdom of opening an eastern front.
Education law specialist Nelson Mar said the adjustments are a great “first step” toward changing school culture.
“Often times when children are removed for disciplinary measures it has a negative impact on education, so they have a greater likelihood of actually failing their classes and also a greater likelihood of them dropping out,” [interchangeable functionary] said.
I’m all for making distinctions. At old Bryant High School in Astoria, before it was condemned by UN fiat, throwing an assistant principal out a second-story window got you a three-day suspension, while backing over him with a stolen Driver’s Ed car got you an instant transfer to P.S. Buy Iron Underpants.
You can’t let up on these kids. You’ve got to let them know that there are accepted rules of behavior, the breaking of which come with swift and implacable punishment. I say, we take a page out of President Obama’s playbook and give schools the authority to create kill lists.
Don’t look at me like that. It’s always a tiny minority of evildoers who make life difficult for the overwhelming majority of younglings eager to learn and thus grow into mildly functional members of a grossly dysfunctional society. Why shouldn’t a principal be able to take one or two of them out with fire from the sky?
I’m not saying you don’t give them a warning. But if they prove intransigent, you take all necessary precautions to limit collateral damage and you blow the little f—ers out of their Air Varbanovs as they emerge from the school bus one Monday morning. The parents could be compensated for funeral costs and a moderate stipend equal to what their little darlings would have earned cadging fraudulent Medicaid payments from the government.
Oh why does no one consult me about these matters? Why? Why? So much raw talent just going to waste…