1. How many of you don’t like to pop bubble wrap?
2. If you were a tree, which former Golden Girls star would you like to chop you down?
3. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was dead set against a nice linoleum from Lowes?
4. If President Obama were in the room tonight and you could ask him only one question, how many of you would ask him how much he weighs?
5. Are you glad Michele Bachmann is no longer in the race because it narrows the field or because you were losing focus when fantasizing about her lady parts? (Mr. Gingrich, you first.)
6. If you ever said hi to a black person, would he or she say hi back? (Mr. Paul, you first.)
7. If the 22 members of the Arab League simultaneously attacked Israel on Yom Kippur, with the aid of Russia and Turkey, and Israel defeated them all soundly, occupying territories that were home to military bases, how many of you would complain to the UN about the ZIonist plot to slow worldwide broadband speeds? (Mr. Paul, you first.)
8. If you had a choice between bombing Iran, bombing Syria, and eating oreo cream pie off the belly of a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Mr. Gingrich you first.
9. If Satan were in the room tonight and you could ask him one question, how many of you would ask him why he doesn’t get his pitchforks made in China, where unit prices would be cheaper? (Mr. Romney, you first.)
10. If you were to lose the nomination, who here would immediately set fire to a hobo?
10A. Who here thinks if he wins the nomination, he goes straight to heaven to genuflect before 72 virgins? (Mr. Santorum but you saw that coming.)
