Fresh Herring

Real-life superhero arrested for fighting ee-veel. With pepper spray. Which is a really lame superpower when you think about it.

Where have you gone, Fra-ank Serpico, our city turns its lowly eyes to you

Catholic priest stole $650,000 from his parish to feed his gambling habit. The Puritans were right about that Vegas Bingo.

Batman’s a Republican (but Bruce Wayne’s a redistributionist), Superman’s a Democrat, the Hulk’s a Greenbacker, and Silver Surfer’s Home Rule Party of Hawaii all the way.

The king of Bhutan has married a common person. I’ll never be able to take the Bhutan monarchy seriously again, so if anyone wants a Bhutan king action figure in original packaging along with Bhutan royal family trading cards, please leave contact info in comboxes.

Bloomberg blinks. Rudy would already have had the fire hoses out and washed the park down with the protesters in it — and waved as they all floated out to the Hudson…

Mark, you mean God doesn’t hate me? What about my dog? You mean He’s not a narcissistic cosmic sadist projecting his own shame about a botched creation onto his miserable creatures who can’t not sin? Where did you get this information? Is there a book I can read?

Now we know what the “alternative” in alternative medicine stands for.

Lutheran evangelism to the lost in Hollywood. (Now you know that piece is begging for a NSFW headline, but I’m not going to write. I’ll think it, but I won’t write it, because I have standards. They’re in my sock drawer, usually, but I can find them when I need to.)

Woody Allen’s upcoming film finally has a title: Nero Fiddled. His most recent film has made $100 million worldwide, which is probably more than every film since What’s Up, Tiger Lilly? has grossed combined. Nice to know the 75-year-old is finally hitting his stride.

The new Footloose sucks. But I thought that was the point of remaking … Footloose.

BREAKING: Gymnasts’ ankles. Film at 11.

Hillary Swank feels bad about entertaining human-rights abuser, torturer, and executioner. Then she shouldn’t have agreed to go on The View.

Bubonic plague has had its DNA deconstructed. Turns out it was really bad and killed a lot of people. If only people back in the 14th century had known what we know.

Joan Rivers is livid, absolutely livid.

And finally, this is how hoarding begins:

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4 thoughts on “Fresh Herring

  1. Speaking of Catholics in Vegas, did you know that many people donate by tossing chips from gambling winnings in the offering. One guy is in charge of gathering all the chips and going from casino to casino to cash them in. He’s known as the “chip monk.” I am so ashamed.

  2. So much to process. The corrupt police have gone so far as to persecute superheroes. But superheroes probably deserve it, because they’re mostly liberals.

    “Alicia Sacramone ruptured her Achilles tendon…” Any relation?

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