What more can they do, people — what more can they do? These pirates give and give and give and still they get that look when they’re shopping at the mall with their families.

And I thought we had made so much progress …

Let’s be frank: It’s not like these guys have a lot of prospects once the whole pirating thing goes bust. It’s not like they can just dust off the ole resume and start all over somewhere. Imagine how that would go:

Recruiter: Let’s see what you’ve been up to … ‘Employment experience … high-seas piracy … forced confiscation of private goods … looting … general acts of terror’ … Uhh … I don’t see Power Point anywhere ….

Pirate: I understand, but I am well-versed in Keynote ’08 and the entire iWork package.

Recruiter: Well, you do understand that Apple has a very small share of the market. Most of our clients —

Pirate: That is because Microsoft is a monopolizer! I hate Microsoft! Long live Steve Jobs! Long live Steve Jobs! I will hold this entire company hostage until Steve Jobs is declared greater than Bill Gates!

And so on …