Just when you think the commies are down and out, they force a Japanese film studio to pull an undoubtedly lousy Seth Rogen film from theaters! Not since Michael Moore’s Sicko has Marxist perfidy left such a stench in the nostrils of American filmgoers (and no that’s not the month-old North Korean popcorn).
Well, I for one am not going to take this lying down, like I did that whole War of 1812 business. I do hereby declare that I will not be spending my somewhat-hard-earned money on any of the cinematic product coming out of Kaesong, North Korea’s Hollywood.
I encourage you to join me in boycotting the following:
A Cloaca for Dong. The heart-wrenching tale of a young man’s coming of age in a poorly performing porcelain factory.
Dear Leader… The heart-wrenching tale of a young woman who writes daily letters to Kim Jong Un asking when he is coming to visit her in a poorly performing porcelain factory.
Star Wars. The heart-wrenching tale of a group of young imperial soldiers fighting off counter-revolutionaries led by a delusional cult leader named Obi-hwa and a mercenary who always shoots first.
The 38th Parallel View. The heart-wrenching tale of a poorly performing North Korean porcelain worker kidnapped by South Korean capitalists and forced to work an eight-hour day for competitive wages among congenial, free-spirited coworkers.
Kim Jong Il: Master and Commander. A bio-pic of the late Korean leader’s rise from loading-dock manager of a poorly performing porcelain factory to the greatest human who has ever lived on any planet.
American Psycho Graffitti Splendour II. The heart-wrenching tale of a poorly performing porcelain factory worker brainwashed by American propaganda to join a CIA-backed band of cannibals who eat Party officials in a ploy to grow calamitously fat and sit on Dear Leader.
The Non-Producers. A laugh-out-loud comedy about two managers of a poorly performing porcelain factory who scheme to hold back production and pocket the unused resources to stage a musical about Josef Stalin, called Springtime for the Coryphaeus of All the Sciences.
The Hunger Games. A heart-wrenching tale of a young woman slowly starving to death because greedy Western bankers are buying up the world’s supply of straw.
Citizen Kim. The heart-wrenching tale of a young man wrenched from his loving family by an evil Western banker to start an American newspaper that will tell lies about North Korea’s poorly performing porcelain factories.